The Glory of God

Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

We went to Kampala International Church this morning. What an experience! There is something about being in a church in a foreign country. Any kind of church. A tribal church, and ex-pat church, a home church...no matter what, it always brings home how universal our faith is. How privileged to serve a God who has brought people to Himself all over the world!

The worship was refreshing, standing in a room surrounded by British, American, Chinese, Japanese, South African, Ugandan, Brazilian, French (and the list goes on and on and on) Christians. All worshipping their Savior.
When the sermon was preached, it was about the death of Lazarus, and the man who preached is the youth pastor of the church. I remarked to my mother that he was a great youth pastor. He was funny and engaging and serious and historical and wrapped it all up in a great package. I know my pre-teens would have listened with rapt attention, especially when he described the bloating stage of a cow. Really. That did have significance, I promise.
But, before the sermon, the passage was read by a Ugandan. I love the lilting African voice. I closed my eyes and listened to the story I’ve read and heard so many times, and one verse jumped out to me. Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” And then again, when the pastor spoke. “DID I NOT TELL YOU THAT IF YOU WILL BELIEVE, YOU WILL SEE THE GLORY OF GOD?”
It hit me like...well, I don’t know like what. But it hit me. Yes, I am feeling discouraged, and maybe this situation with these gossipy families was the catalyst, but the unrest within is coming from something else.
I want to see the glory of God. I want, whether in Aidah’s adoption or her lack of adoption (please, Lord, don’t let that happen), in her life or her death (please God, no), that we will be able to say without a doubt that the glory of God was seen. I sat for a moment thinking, for whatever reason, God has chosen a host of people to work together for the good of one specific child. A Ugandan man, a Ugandan woman, 2 Dutch couples, 1 American woman, and 1 quirky odd American family. I thought, it is easy to think or have the hope that because the Lord has orchestrated this, it must mean He desires Aidah’s life to be saved. Still thinking....my faith is not so shallow as to think that God is only working all this out so we can be happy, that our lives can be complete, and we will have everything we desire and here we will be, one big happy family, all together, and healed. He sometimes works His glory in the death of his saints.
And I let my brain rest a little bit, and the words of the preacher soaked through my thoughts. “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” Both Mary & Martha came to Jesus and said, “If only you had been here! Because they thought they knew what He would have done if Jesus was there. They thought Lazarus’ healing was a no-brainer. And when Jesus saw their mourning he was moved and troubled, and he wept!
So, even though, no matter what happens, I will choose to say that “the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord,” it is ok that the thought of Aidah not making it through this fight collapses me in grief. It is ok that if He takes her home to be with Him, I will fight and fight to work out why we were brought this far, only to say goodbye.
I still don’t know where my heart is taking me with all this. But I know I’m terrified to be a bad example in my happiness or grief, joy or confusion, or sorrow, or shame or rejoicing... Whatever the Lord is about to take us through, I want His glory to shine. I want, in Aidah’s life or death, that everyone who knows about her to be able to say that they believed, and they were shown the glory of God.